Estranged From Your Children or Grandchildren: Faith in the Silence
Few things hurt like being cut off from your own children or grandchildren. Birthdays pass without a call. You see photos of grandchildren you’ve never held. Maybe you understand why it happened, or maybe you don’t.
This is a hard road. Here’s some honest encouragement for it.
Bring the grief to God
“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart” (Psalm 34:18). Estrangement is a kind of grief for someone still living, and it’s real grief. You don’t have to hide it from God.
Look honestly at your part
This is the hardest step. “Search me, O God, and know my heart” (Psalm 139:23). Ask God and a wise counselor to help you see whether there’s anything to own, apologize for or change. Sometimes estrangement follows real hurt that needs real repair. Sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, honesty with God is where healing starts.
Respect the boundaries
Forcing contact, going around the parents to reach grandchildren, or pressuring through other relatives usually deepens the wound. If you’ve been asked for space, honoring it is a way of loving them.
Keep your heart ready
- Pray for them by name, every day.
- If appropriate, send a short, sincere message without demands: “I love you. I’m here whenever you’re ready.”
- Don’t speak against them to others in the family.
- Get support for yourself: a counselor, a pastor, a trusted friend.
Hope
Joseph and his brothers were apart for over twenty years, and God brought them back together (Genesis 45). Reconciliation isn’t always possible on this side of heaven, but God is still at work in every heart, including yours.
See our free tools Forgiveness Is for You Too and Pass It On.
