"How Far Is Too Far?" A Better Question for Christian Dating

October 25, 2026

It’s the question every Christian dating couple eventually asks, usually late at night: “How far is too far?” It’s an understandable question. But it’s also the wrong question, and asking a better one changes everything.

Why it’s the wrong question

“How far is too far?” really asks, “How close can I get to the line without crossing it?” That’s the opposite of how Scripture talks about sexual temptation. Paul doesn’t say “manage” sexual immorality. He says “flee” (1 Corinthians 6:18) and “flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness” (2 Timothy 2:22). Joseph didn’t negotiate with Potiphar’s wife; he ran, leaving his cloak behind (Genesis 39:12).

Better questions

“How can we honor God and each other?” instead of “What can we get away with?”
“Would I be comfortable if Jesus were in the room?” (He is.)
“Am I treating this person like a brother or sister in Christ?” Paul tells Timothy to treat younger women “as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Timothy 5:2).
“If we break up, will either of us carry regret into a future marriage?” You may be dating someone else’s future spouse.
“Is this awakening desire before its time?” “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (Song of Songs 2:7).

Wisdom for setting boundaries

Decide before the moment. Boundaries made at 11 p.m. on a couch rarely hold. Talk about them together, early, in daylight.
Know that desire escalates. God designed physical affection to lead somewhere. Many couples find that the line keeps moving if they flirt with it.
Watch the settings. Late nights, being alone in a bedroom or apartment, and alcohol all make boundaries harder to keep.
Bring in accountability. Tell a trusted friend or mentor your boundaries and let them ask.
Respect each other’s limits. If one person’s boundary is stricter, that’s the boundary. Pressuring someone past their conviction is not love (Romans 14:13).
Long engagements add pressure. Paul’s practical counsel, “it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9), suggests not dragging things out indefinitely.

Signs things are heading the wrong way

You’re hiding things from friends or family.
You feel guilty or uneasy afterward, repeatedly.
The physical side is crowding out conversation, friendship and spiritual connection.
One person is pressuring, guilt-tripping or ignoring the other’s “no.” (That’s a red flag, not just a boundary issue.)

If you’ve already crossed lines

You’re not ruined, and your relationship isn’t doomed. Confess it to God together, receive His forgiveness (1 John 1:9), reset your boundaries, add accountability, and keep going. Grace is the place to start over.