It's Okay to Lament: How the Psalms Give You Permission to Hurt
Medically reviewed by Valerie Bryan, PharmD
Somewhere, a lot of us learned that good Christians are always fine. Smile at church. Say “blessed and highly favored.” Keep the hard stuff between you and your pillow.
Then you open the Psalms and find David asking, “How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever?” (Psalm 13:1). That's in the Bible. On purpose.
Lament Is All Over Scripture
Laments, prayers of sorrow, complaint and longing, are the largest category of psalms. There's a whole book called Lamentations. Job, Jeremiah and Habakkuk all poured out raw grief to God. God didn't edit these out. He preserved them, so you'd know you're allowed to pray this way too.
Even Jesus Lamented
In Gethsemane, Jesus said, “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death” (Matthew 26:38). On the cross, He cried out the opening words of Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). If the Son of God brought His anguish honestly to the Father, you can too.
The Shape of a Lament
Many laments follow a pattern you can borrow. Psalm 13 is a great example:
- Complaint: tell God honestly what hurts. “How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?” (13:2)
- Request: ask for what you need. “Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes” (13:3)
- Trust: choose to remember who He is. “But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation” (13:5)
Sometimes the trust part comes quickly. Sometimes, like in Psalm 88, a prayer ends still in the dark, and it's still in the Bible. God can handle a prayer that doesn't wrap up neatly.
Talking to Your Own Soul
Psalm 42 shows something powerful. The psalmist talks to himself: “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him” (Psalm 42:11). That's taking a thought captive in real time: honest about the feeling, then preaching truth to his own heart.
Write Your Own Lament
- Start with “Lord, I'm hurting because…” and don't hold back.
- Ask Him for one specific thing.
- End with one truth about God you can hold onto, even if you don't feel it yet.
Lament Isn't the Opposite of Faith
Lament is faith that keeps talking to God when things don't make sense. And if heaviness lasts for weeks or affects your daily life, lament can sit right alongside medical care and counseling. You don't have to choose.
Wear the Reminder
Rest in the truth that He holds you, even in sorrow: our Rest in His Love pillow.
Keep Reading
- 30 Bible Verses for Anxiety, and How to Actually Use Them
- Elijah Was Depressed Too
- Prayer and Therapy Aren't Rivals
Claimed in the Chaos
Your mind may be tired. Your faith may feel fragile. But you are still claimed.
His mercies are new every morning: the Same God, New Day Brighter Possibilities Box.
If you're struggling right now: you don't have to carry this alone. In the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) any time, day or night. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911. Outside the U.S., contact your local emergency number.
This article is for encouragement and education, not medical advice. Please talk with your doctor, pharmacist or a licensed counselor about your own situation.
